I've always known I wouldn't live to be old. I'm not sure if I ever told the story, but I can remember being a little girl & being with my mother in a department store watching an old lady ahead of us. Mom must have noticed my studying the woman because she commented that one day, I would be just like that old woman. I calmly turned to my mother, promptly informing her how wrong she was because I'd never live to be that old. I wasn't trying to freak her out (although I did) & I wasn't being pessamistic, I just simply knew in my heart I would never reach that age & I wasn't afraid of it. It wasn't much later after that that I did get afraid of death. Actually, tramatized was more like it. I thought about it, lived it, breathed it, dwelled on it to a point that I believe my mom was about to get me mental therapy, but suddenly, I was over it & all was back to normal.
During that tramatic stage, I went through a fear of burning to death & so, everynight, without fail, I would make a sweep through the house, unplugging everything I could find, including my parents' coffee pot that they had set to automatically brew their coffee the next morning. I can definately remember getting talked to over that. lol You don't mess with some people & their coffee. ;) I also went through the coming home & checking every nook & cranny in the house to make sure that, while we were away, some killer hadn't crept into the house to take us out one by one while we slept at night. I still sometimes make the "search for the killer" sweep through my home. lol I guess it is just a fear I can't get rid of. Same as checking my SUV from back to front & below before I climb into it whether it is daylight or dark. You never know who may be waiting for you to return, right? Does all this make me neurotic?? It may, but at least I won't be surprised. :P
I've decided I want to be cremated. I don't want to be placed in a box & put underground to rot. It doesn't appeal to me. Just burn me & get it over with. I can see the irony of the cremation thing & the fear of burning I had as a child - yes, it is odd I would choose that same method to exit this Earth, but then again, I am odd. Still, I want to be placed in an urn, but not just any urn...I want a big, yellow, smiley face urn so that when people see it, they'll smile - at least for a little while until they realize a corpse is in it. lol Seriously, I like to make people laugh, so this urn is perfect for me. I like it.
I don't want visitations or a funeral either, I want a wake. A fun one. I want a soulful spiritual choir to sing loud praises, clapping, stomping their feet, enjoying life - why mourn me? I'm in Heaven. Actually, I am probably going to be right there clapping, stomping & singing right along with the lot of you. lol I love a party! :) My mom is doubtful a person's passing can be joyous, but I told her she's wrong & to prove it, just invite all my enemies...I'm sure they'll lead the choir in joyful noises! LOL I don't care, fly paper airplanes & eat Pringles & pop open a beer...live dammit! You need to smile & I'll be right there with you, so make it a celebration. I want it that way.
I also want a Memory Book passed around & I'd love to have the people attending my wake to write down a little memory of us together, just so my family can read it. They could use a good laugh afterward. lol It all should be memorable.
This is my Obituary I received from the website:
http://www.crucifictiongames.com/roqd.html
We regret to announce the untimely passing of Madison, who on the 19th of July of this year was callously crushed like a grape by an angry old woman. This unfortunate incident occurred in an anthill in Kentucky. The deceased was reported to have shouted "Not my new shirt!" just before expiring. Madison is survived by several houseplants. Funeral services will be held the 4th of next month.
Footnote: I'm healthy & not dying...I was just having deep thoughts. lol 
Tags: Death Writing Spooky Madison
