Today I am blue.  Heartbroken. I just found out a dear friend of mine from Australia has died.  Monika.  I've known her forever.  She was magickal.  And now she's gone.

I don't know how to talk about how I feel at this time.  First I was angry.  Now I'm feeling so melancholy.  One of those quiet moments where you just feel heavy, as if you're moving through honey.  I dread when the feeling returns.  I don't want to realize it.  I don't want to feel it.  I don't want to know...that I won't ever see her again in this life.