My wallet is curled up in a corner scared, lonely
and wondering when the hurting will stop .
The wallet feels dirty , unkempt fingers fondle it
at all of its secret places .
The screaming starts...
( Author Unknown )
(1995)HI, MY NAME IS SAM...
AND I'M A HALLOWEEN ADDICT .
I HAD MY LAST YARD HAUNTING OCTOBER 31 .
('OH YEAH , THAT'S MY GIRL DEB .')
I'VE BEEN INTO HORROR AND SCI-FI MOVIES EVER SINCE THE FIRST MONSTER MOVIE I SAW AS A PODLING...
"FRANKENSTEIN" . WHEN I FOUND OUT THERE WAS A NIGHT I COULD GO OUT DRESSED UP LIKE HIM
AND GET CANDY...
'IT WARPED MY FRAGILE LITTLE MIND'
I COULDN'T GET ENOUGH ! GROWING UP IN THE 60s WATCHING FIRST RUNS OF TV SHOWS LIKE "DARK SHADOWS" , "THE OUTER LIMITS" , "LOST IN SPACE" , "THE INVADERS" , "STAR TREK" AND TOO MANY MORE TO LIST HERE . BUT IT WAS THE FRIDAY/SATURDAY LATE NIGHT "CREATURE FEATURES" THAT I LOVED THE MOST . STAYING UP PAST 11:30 TO WATCH BORIS , BELA , LON AND THE OTHERS TERRORIZE THE LOCAL VILLAGERS OF SOME FAR OFF PLACE .
'I WAS HOOKED'
THEN CAME THE
"FAMOUS MONSTERS OF FILMLAND" YEARS , ALL I EVER WANTED TO DO WAS BE A MONSTER MAKEUP ARTIST . THERE I SAT IN MY ROOM , MAGAZINES SPREAD ALL ABOUT , HONING MY SKILLS . DRAWING , SCULPTING , CASTING... THEN WITH
"TRUSTY BABY SISTER" AT MY SIDE ,
SHE LOVES ME , I EXPERIMENTED AND WE TERRORIZED OUR MOM , TWO MIDDLE SIBLINGS AND FRIENDS . THERE'S NOTHING QUITE LIKE HAVING THE BABY OF THE FAMILY RUNNING INTO THE HOUSE SCREAMING HER GUTS OUT WITH AN EYEBALL DANGLING OUT OF ITS BLOODY EMPTY SOCKET . CONSIDERING THE HEATHEN LITTLE YARD APES WE WERE IT WAS ALL TOO CONVINCING . ('THERE'S NOTHING QUITE LIKE THE BEATING YOU GET FOR INSTIGATING IT EITHER .')
'STARTED HANGING OUT WITH A BAD CROWD'
YOU KNOW THE SORT... HANGING AROUND "ART" CLASSES , MAKING BAD FILMS ON REAL SHOE STRING BUDGETS , DOING REALLY BAD "MONTY PYTHON" IMITATIONS WHILE ON D&D . THEN I GOT THE CHANCE TO WORK IN MY FIRST PRO-HAUNT "BLOOD MANSION" . IT WAS A THING THE LOCAL JAYCEE'S STARTED AND WAS IT EVER SCARY . A GUIDED SMALL GROUP , 5 TO 10 , WALK THROUGH TOUR WITH A 4 OR MORE ROOM SPREAD BETWEEN GROUPS . I'VE RARELY WITNESSED SUCH DEVIOUS TRICKS , ACTING AND MISDIRECTION . IF YOU WERE SURE YOU SAW IT MOVE... IT NEVER DID . IF YOU THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T BE FRIGHTENED... YOU WERE WRONG . THERE I MET OTHERS EVEN WORSE THAN MYSELF AND THEY ONLY FURTHER ENABLED MY DESIRES FOR THE ULTIMATE FREAK OUT .
'SKIP A FEW BROTHER'
NOW EVERY YEAR , SINCE WE'VE OWNED A HOUSE , I TAKE A WEEKS VACATION AT HALLOWEEN TO WATCH MONSTER FLICKS AND SET UP MY YARD AND HOUSE . I'VE ACTUALLY HAD IT PUT INTO MY WORK CONTRACTS WITH ALL MY EMPLOYERS , "I DON'T WORK THE WEEK OF HALLOWEEN" , SO AS TO HAVE NO SCHEDULING PROBLEMS .
EVERYONE ; MY EMPLOYER , NEIGHBORS AND , WELL MOST , FAMILY MEMBERS HAVE BEEN PRETTY SUPPORTIVE OF MINE AND DEBS EFFORTS . NO ONE HAS EVER COMPLAINED , CALLED THE POLICE OR SET FIRE TO THE HOUSE... YET . IN FACT MOST HAVE CALLED THEIR FRIENDS AND RELATIVES TO COME OVER TO WITNESS THE FREAK SHOW .
" NO CHILD HAS EVER BEEN TURNED AWAY AT "
('THEY'RE TOO TASTY')
AND IF THEY'RE IN
COSTUME AND MAKE IT
"ALL" THE WAY TO THE PORCH . ('
HEY , MY CANDY , MY RULES') . THEY NOT ONLY GET A TREAT THEY ALSO GET A SMALL HALLOWEEN TOY PRIZE ('LIKE RUBBER SPIDERS , SNAKES , BUGS , GLOW IN THE DARK FANGS AND STUFF LIKE THAT THERE') . WE'VE RECENTLY STARTED TO GIVE AN AWARD TROPHY , EXTRA HANDFUL OF CANDY AND HALLOWEEN TOYS TO THE ONE BOY AND ONE GIRL WITH THE BEST COSTUMES OF THE NIGHT .
BUT...
IF THEY JUST CAN'T MAKE IT UP THE DRIVEWAY TO THE DOOR . ('IT HAPPENS') THE FRIENDLY WITCH
"DEADBORAH" WILL BRING THEM SOME CANDY AND TELL THEM THEY CAN COME BACK AND TRY AGAIN LATER . THE SECRET , SHE TELLS THEM , IS THAT THE CREATURES IN THE YARD CAN'T SEE LITTLE KIDS WHEN THEY'RE IN COSTUME .
WHEN THE OLDER KIDS SEE THE LITTLE ONES GET THEIRS WITHOUT INCIDENT...
"THEY ARE MINE !"
'DADDY'S ALL BETTER NOW !'WELL THE GIRLS ARE BOTH GROWN , GONE AND HAVE PODLINS OF THEIR OWN NOW . IT'S PRETTY MUCH ME AND DEB THESE DAYS , AGAINST THE WORLD AND THE ZBs . I'D HAVE IT NO OTHER WAY , SHE HAS MY BACK AND CAN MAKE A MEAN HOLE OUT OF THOSE LITTLE MANGY LINT BALLS .
I SPEND MY TIME PLAYING HOUSE WITH DEB , ERADICATING THE ZOMBIE BUNNY SCOURGE AND WORKING IN THE GRAPHIC ARTS INDUSTRY FOR THE FUNDING . IN MY SPARE TIME I LIKE TO LURK THE ENTER-WEIRD FOR THE LATEST HAUNT INFO , BUILDING/REFINING OUR PROPS , TERRORIZING THE LOCAL VILLAGERS . WHILE HAVING OCCASIONAL DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR CONCERNING TAKING OVER THE WORLD WITH WEINER DOGS OR HAVING THE BEST PRO-HAUNT THATS EVER BEEN CONCEIVED .
OH...
AND
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In fact, this one supersedes yours even though yours may say that it supersedes mine. Why, even if yours said it would supersede mine even if mine said it would supersede yours even if yours said... Oh well. You get the idea . Please be advised that I have adopted a strict rubber-glue policy. Any nasty thing that your lawyers say bounces off of me and sticks back to you. Be further advised that you agree to pay my legal expenses if I decide to sue you for violating this agreement or for any other reason that might strike my fancy. Violations will be punishable by fine, imprisonment, death, any two of the above, or all three. Your mileage may vary . If something offends you, lighten up get a life, and move on .
THIS PAGE IS DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY OF
COL
BOLRIGARD
"NUBBIN"
1955-2000
2000-2009
WHO GAVE BOTH HIS NATURAL
AS WELL AS
UN-NATURAL LIVES
IN THE GREAT ZB BATTLE OF ATLANTA
WHO LED THE CHARGE WITH THE BATTLE CRY
"KILL DA WABBITS"
UNTIL RE-RE-RESURRECTED
"HE WILL BE SORELY MISSED AND FONDLY REMEMBERED"
!
DEPICTION OF THE BATTLE
("ZOMBIE BUNNIES")
PAINTED BY RY-SPIRIT
OF AUSTRALIA
