'Twas the night before Christmas--

Old Santa was pissed.
 He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
 Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
 I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!
 I've busted my butt for damn near a year,
 Instead of 'Thanks Santa'--what do I hear?
 The old lady complaning cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

 Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
 Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
 those buttholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
 they say I owe taxes--if that ain't darn funny
 Who the heck ever sent Santa Claus any money?

 And the kids these days--they all are the pits
 they want the impossible--Those mean little twitts.
  ;I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
assembling dolls...their arms, legs and heads.
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
 They want computers and robots...

they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
 I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
 I'll sit on my fat butt and draw unemployment.

 There's No Christmas this year

now you know the reason,
 I found me a blonde.

I'm going SOUTH for the season